I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
