when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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