oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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