Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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