She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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