So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The air taste purple.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
