i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
