I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
