you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize