My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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