He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
