shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
