There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize