I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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