During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
