I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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