Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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