Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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