1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
