we're blogging at a bar
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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