Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thus making me awesome and them whores
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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