By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
