Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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