He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
