I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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