its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
