K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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