my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
