I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
