A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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