Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
