Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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