Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
