if only i could text you this smell
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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