Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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