I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're too hungover to prance.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your penis caused this!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
