sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
