Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
