4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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