we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
