do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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