Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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