You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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