When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize