Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
