if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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