I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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