Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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