I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
