My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize