Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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