I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
