I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
