We won't sleep together?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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