No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
