I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
