I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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