Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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