Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
