Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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