hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it glows. i had to have it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
