I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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