Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
