Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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