I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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