Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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