Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
