so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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