I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
