Dual....:-)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
